Not already won over by UKIP’s seductive foreign policies? Well, perhaps you might find their amazing weather forecasting abilities more appealing.


UKIP immigration policies are currently undergoing a ‘review and update’, so details of how they plan on ending ‘the age of mass, uncontrolled immigration’ are not available. Perhaps they will construct a big wall around the country’s borders or plan a campaign of genocide?

Sound slightly extreme? Just wait until you hear how they claim to have solved global warming; it’s because of the gays!

Yes, God is punishing England, via heavy showers and strong winds, for legalising gay marriage. UKIP Councillor for Henley on Thames says: ‘Since the passage of the Marriage [same sex couples] Act, the nation has been beset by serious storms and floods.

‘Is this just global warming or is there something more serious at work? The scriptures make it abundantly clear that a Christian nation that abandons it’s faith and acts contrary to the gospel will be beset by natural disasters.’


UKIP’s official statement regarding same-sex marriage also reads: ‘This is not a burning issue… ‘There is, apart from a small but noisy minority within the gay community, no need for this… ‘and, given the risks attendant upon it, should not be proceeded with.’

However, these eccentric (to say the least) policies have not deterred local voters; UKIP recently won a by-election in Haverhill by ‘a landslide’, securing the party seats on both Haverhill Town and St. Edmundsbury Borough Council.

The party’s previous representative, Councillor Bryan Hawes, resigned from his post last year, following criticism over his ‘light-hearted’ racist joke; Hawes said: ‘A young black bloke came out of Tesco and Stroudy (Cllr Stroud) went to give him a leaflet and I said “don’t give them to black people, we don’t want them on our rec”‘.